Beige

My heart is always in the right place. But somehow I keep meeting up with people who feel very comfortable showing me their real colors. Lately, I begin nearly every conversation with this phrase, "I'm going to hell..." then I launch into a story that I should probably keep to myself. But on the other hand, if I kept it to myself I couldn't share my amusement. I would only be chuckling inside my head and I would appear to be the weird one.
I rep for a counter top fabricator. Interesting. Who knew that I would end up telling people the pros and cons of the four different materials for counter tops; laminate, solid surface, quartz and granite? About twenty percent of our customers are the general public. Somehow, they find us and call on our little manufacturing facility to make their counter top.
One lady that lives about ninety minutes away from our showroom, called our facility and wanted to discuss her counter top color choice over the phone. Our office manager, who knows the name of every product sample, worked with this lady for over an hour. But this woman just couldn't make her decision over the phone. She needed someone to come to her house with a boat load of samples and help her choose a color that wouldn't clash with her walls. After all she has a very unique wall color, cherry cabinets, and black appliances. The countertop color has to be the perfect color to bring everything together, so nothing will clash!
I understand that, it is a big decision and one doesn't want to make the wrong one. But I'm not an interior decorator, I am a salesperson. Who else from a counter top fabricator should go to a person's home and give decorating advice. The only outside salesperson, that's who!
I mapquested her address, took a limited amount of samples...in hopes of making the decision easier due to the lack of choices and made my way through the snow to her home.
When I was about ten minutes away from her home, I realized that I was going to be early for our appointment. So I stopped off at a Wendy's restaurant. I ordered, found a table and sat down. Just as I sat down I saw an elderly gentleman that looked like he was wearing Depends. One can tell, because their trousers fit differently. The man and I made eye contact and I thought to myself, "don't make eye contact, he'll probably want to sit with you." So I quickly glanced away. He sat at a table across from me and began laughing out loud! Then he started talking to the empty chair across from him and making gestures and chuckling as if his best friend had just shown up! I said to God, "Please God, I know you get great pleasure out of planting odd people near me, but let this be the one and only weird person I meet up with today." God answered that prayer, but not the way I wanted him to!
When I arrived at the ladies house she answered the door and to my surprise she was in her mid sixties. She had shoulder length bleach blonde hair, a face full of makeup, big rhinestone circle earrings, a black zip up sweater with rhinestones around the neckline and on the zipper pull, black stretchy corduroy slacks that she had stuffed in a pair of black cowboy boots and a black rhinestone belt to pull the outfit together. She was wearing a big black beaded ring on one hand and a fake five carat diamond on the other hand.
Carol was so happy to see me. She beckoned me to hurry and come in and she scurried me to her basement kitchen. As we were walking down the steps she proceeded to tell me that she is babysitting for her three year old granddaughter and wanted to know if I was ok with that. Of course I was, what if I wasn't?!
We went to the basement and the only lighting she had was a lamp across the room and the Christmas tree.
I opened my samples and explained to her that the lady that helped her on the phone had suggested two colors a nice Kona brown or Starry Night. Both of these choices, top designers were choosing more and more.
Carol glanced at those two colors and said, "Oh no, they will clash with my wall color!"
I looked at her walls and they are "beige".
I said, "So what color are you planning on painting the walls, do you have a paint sample?"
Carol said, "Oh we just painted this basement and we are never painting it again!"
"Oh, I like the beige. Good color choice." I said.
Carol proceeded to look through my samples and found two different versions of beige and started holding it up to the walls, cabinets and appliances and said, "I don't think this particular one will match because the wall and the counter top is not exactly the same."
"Well that's why the company put so many different particles in the piece, so it'll match with anything. But why not choose a color that would enhance your beige walls?" I inquired.
Carol said, "The walls aren't beige, they are almond wisp."
"Ok, almond walls." I said.
Carol proceeded to pull out every version of beige sample and hold them up to her "almond wisp" walls. Then she said, "I just can't have the counter top and the walls clashing and so the counter top has to be the same exact color."
I said, "The beauty of "Almond Wisp" it goes with everything. You made a great choice in wall color."
About that time her granddaughter, Emily, came down the steps and Carol stopped everything she was doing and started a little rhythm dance and began singing, "Eeeeeemmmmiiiiillleeeee....oh, oh Eeeeeemmmmiiiiillleeeee..." She kept repeating this verse over and over again and dancing throughout the dark basement. Emily ran and hid!
Carol found her and begged her to say hello to me. She kept saying, "Emily say hi to Sheryl..."
Emily wouldn't. I stood there smiling and then I said, "Hi Emily how are you?"
Then Carol began her "Eeeeeemmmmiiiiillleeee..." song and dance again!
After the dance, looking at her beige and white china, (she didn't want her dishes clashing on the counter top either) and another hour and a half of comparing all of the beige samples. I handed her her four favorite beige samples and left.
As I was leaving, she handed me her Almond Wisp paint chip and asked me to ask ten people which beige counter top would match the best.
I said I would.
When I drove away, I wondered how a lady whose appearance and dress was so outlandish could be so conservative in her decorating.
As of this writing she has narrowed her choice down to two different beige counter tops.